So, the other day, I had to deal with another call from my very persistent local army recruiter. I can say persistent because this would be the third time they've called since I turned 18. And I guess out of loneliness, I always feel like actually talking to the recruiter and feigning interest. Or maybe it is real interest... (I would love to be Rambo) Here's how most conversations go:
Recruiter: Hi, I'm (Sgt./Cpl./Lt./other random armed forces prefix-circle one) (Hispanic sounding name).
Me: Hi...
R: (casually) So what have you been up to?
Me: (hesitant, who does this guy think he is?) Nothing much... (stupid answer, I'm falling for his friendly demeanor. Quick, come up with something that shows you have a future) Just getting ready for college.
R: Oh really, you know if you have trouble paying for college there's all sorts of help you can get from the army and all sorts of programs for you. Where are you planning on going?
This is where the tone usually changes from his aggressive friendly recruiting to a conclusive goodbye and a "call me if your plans change"
Me: UCSD. (probably anything besides city college would trigger his change of tone.)
But this most recent call, he must have been desperate.
R: Hi, I'm (Sgt./Cpl./Lt./other random armed forces prefix-circle one) (Hispanic sounding name).
M: Hi.
R: Bla bla bla army?
M: uh, not really.
R: Why not?
M: (thinking, how can I get rid of this guy...) I dunno. (brilliant response I know... that definitely won't work)
R: Well you know there's all sorts of good opportunities.
M: Yeah... I know.
R: How about this, I'll see if you qualify for the army.
M: Sure.
At this point, he asks me about 10 personal questions, including inquiries about my height and weight and age and high school and extracurriculars.
R: Well, you're qualified. (I feel so flattered at this point.../sarcasm)
M: Cool
R: So, How about you make an appointment and come in and talk to me in person?
M: Yeah... I don't think so.
R: Well, why not?
M: Well, I am going to college this fall.
R: Ok, but you're not busy now, right? Come in on Tuesday.
M: (think quick, man) Um, yeah, no can do... I have to do something... I have an appointment.
R: Ok, well when aren't you busy.
M: (crap, he's got me, I can't make an excuse for every day next week... or can I?) Well, I don't want to join the army... (ok... straightforward might work.)
R: What?!! why not?
M: Well, I'm going to college. (redundant, but it's all I got)
R: What are you going to do in college?
M: Engineering.
R: Well the army has all sorts of engineering programs.
M: Yeah, but... I'm going to college....
We talk (well, he argues for joining the army while I respond with comments like: "I don't know" or "I don't think so.") for about 5 minutes more while I try to come up with a quick response to get him to back off, but alas, my brain fails me. But I guess I wore him down with my negative responses and he must have been a bit annoyed.
R: Well, you know, a lot of kids go off to college and drop out in their first or second year. So I'll be in touch and I'll call you back in a few months to see how you're doing with your goals. (as in, I hope you cannot achieve your goals) You know what, here's my number to call me.
M: Ok let me get my pen. (I wait about 15 seconds) Ok.
R: _________<-- phone number that I don't know because I didn't write it down...
The end. Moral of the story: my local army recruiter thinks that I'm going to fail in the future, but apparently I'm qualified to be "army strong". Being in the army is all that I can be... (I can't blame him though, I sounded like his usual army prospects with my responses, but you can't blame me though, he did wake me up...)
P.S. : I'm not dissing the Army or anyone in the army, that stuff is tough. I just think I would be better suited to classroom learning rather than battlefield fighting.
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